In one piece. Barely.

I hate myself for how dramatic I’m about to sound but I swear I’m not exaggerating. I’m honestly not even sure where to begin considering it’s been just under ten months since I last published something here.

I just realized the amount of time that’s passed since I last shared something here is almost same amount of time that it would have taken for me to have a baby. So weird.

Perhaps what’s happened is that I have given birth but it was much more that I was creating the self that I’ve finally become and am so proud to be.

Honestly? I don’t know and I don’t care. What matters most is that I am here.

This past week felt like the final obstacle to top off everything I know now that I had to go through to be deserving of being here and now. Last Tuesday was the official end to a somewhat serious relationship I was in that had to end.

My (now) ex-boyfriend had slowly and steadily become abusive toward me. I’m safe now and was able to end things safely but I am AMAZED that it could end the way it did.

The more time passes, the more I realize how bad it was getting and I’m sure once I’m done typing this and I hit publish, I will have a much needed good cry. I still cannot believe I let myself get into such a terrible relationship with someone.

I am completely ashamed that I was already a domestic violence survivor and now (again) after I really felt like I was in a good place? How could I have let this happen to myself.

Clearly, I’m still processing what’s happened.